Traumatized

Well, it's been almost a week, and I think I will recover from the trauma of Karston's barium swallow (upper GI fluoroscopy) Monday afternoon. I was pretty sure he wouldn't swallow, and indeed he didn't. The techs called in a senior doctor to talk to us, and he was great! He calmly explained to Karston what he needed to do, and asked if he would swallow. No? OK, well here's what we're to do instead. It's OK to cry (he said that several times), but I need you to hold still. Quick as a wink, the other doctor had a tube down his nose (that's got to hurt, but Karston didn't complain afterwards). Karston was strapped down (it was awful to watch), and he cried the whole time, but I promised to hold his hands. At one point, my nose itched, so I switched to one of my hands touching both of his hands strapped over his head. I will never forget the terrible cry, Mommy hold on to my hands! That still hurts to hear in my memory! Who cares about an itchy nose (loose hair tickled the side of my nose and started this problem; I should just shave my head except that would look terrible) compared to that?

Karston got several days of extra hugs and cuddles. I just needed to hold on to him so I could feel better, and he knew I needed it. He even volunteered to snuggle several times. Karston helped me feel better faster -- what a champ!

After his procedure late Monday afternoon, as soon as Karston was dressed again, he was bouncing around and playing. He was immediately completely better as soon as it was over; I was wrung out and feeing weak. I had to spoil him, so despite the snow falling, we went to Bandido's for the green tortilla chips he loves. And he ate chips! If he would only eat reliably, we'd skip these procedures!

Tuesday, Karston told Daddy that he saw a nice doctor yesterday. So not only did he bounce back right away, he even knew the doctors and techs cared about him! I'm very much in favor of pediatric-specific imaging centers now, because they were great to him.

By Thursday, after more snuggles with my little guy, I knew I would recover from this trauma. I can get myself to think about something else instead of hearing him call for me to hold his hands! (I never let go of one hand; just tried to hold both with one.)

I now understand this hurts me more than it hurts you. It does!